


the neon god they made

by cabinfever



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Bald Jeremy is Bald, Fake AH Crew, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 11:17:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11690514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cabinfever/pseuds/cabinfever
Summary: Jeremy's really eager to show off his new hair (or lack thereof). Somehow, being in the Fake AH Crew makes it hard for him to make the reveal seem cool.A look at how each member finds out about his new 'do.





	the neon god they made

Honestly, Jeremy’s surprised at how long he keeps it a secret.

Okay, sure, most of it is because of the cowboy hat, but he’s still shocked at how none of them notice. Of course, Geoff wouldn’t notice if a freight train rolled through the penthouse carrying fifteen clowns armed with flamethrowers, but. Well. He’d really expected more from the others.

And it kind of makes him a little - okay, maybe a little more than a _little_ \- upset. He’s been waiting for ages to do something like this. He’d alluded to it once or twice, like the previews in a movie. After all, where could he go after all of the hair dyeing? He’d really peaked at the classic Rimmy Tim colors. It’d really enforced his brand in Los Santos. But really. None of them are noticing?

He does it in subtle ways without outright whipping off his hat in their faces. He’s not _cheap_ , and Ryan’s surely not the only one who likes to put on a good show. So he drops hints when he can, putting in little jokes that are just cheesy enough to raise eyebrows. Surely they’ll notice that he’s taken to wearing the Bane mask as well as the cowboy hat. Surely.

“They’re not gonna notice,” Matt tells him matter-of-factly as they’re sharing cheesy fries at their favorite diner one night. “Bit of a waste of the look to keep it a secret till then, man.”

Jeremy shrugs. “They’ll notice,” he insists.

But he’s still kind of nervous about it.

 

To her credit, Jack is the first one who notices.

Jeremy’s suiting up for a heist. He’s wearing the hat as usual, and it fits snugly over his head. It really does keep him warm. Jack glances over from where she's loading up her favorite pistol, and one of her eyebrows quirks up.

“New color?” she asks. “Been a while since you put on the Rimmy colors. They must be washing out, right?”

Jeremy cringes. He hadn’t really been expecting her to notice at this exact moment, so he’s a bit off guard. “Not exactly,” he says, a little cagily.

She tilts her head to the side, studying him for a moment. Jeremy almost thinks he’s in the clear. But then Jack’s lips quirk into her telltale grin that makes her look like a cat that’s cornered a mouse. “Take off the hat, Jeremy,” she orders.

“Do I have to?” he asks, and it’s maybe a bit of a squeak. Suddenly this all seems like a bad idea.

Jack sighs. “I don’t have all day, and I’m sure it looks good. Come on, it can’t be too bad, whatever it is.”

Jeremy whips the hat off before he can psych himself out of it or before Jack can take the hat off for him. He stands there, feeling distinctly out of place in his own goddamn room, and waits for judgment. Jack is silent, though, so he hazards a glance at her. Her face is carefully neutral, and he can’t quite read her eyes. “So what do you think?” he asks.

Suddenly her eyes are twinkling with mirth. She lets out a long, appreciative whistle. “You’re bold, Jeremy,” she tells him. “Don’t ever change, bud.”

Jeremy lets out a sigh of relief.

One down, four to go.

 

Ryan finds out while Jeremy’s asleep.

First of all, what the fuck.

Second of all, Jeremy wakes up because it’s the middle of the night and he could have sworn that he smells blood in the air. He sits bolt upright and stares through the half-light of his bedroom to see Ryan lurking guiltily at the door, wearing his Vagabond makeup and a whole lot of blood.

“What the fuck?” he asks.

Ryan shrugs. He holds up the bottle of talcum powder that he’s definitely stolen from Jeremy’s dresser. “I hear it gets blood stains out of clothes if you mix it with water. Kind of urgent.” And it definitely is. He’s really covered in it. He frowns at Jeremy. “New haircut?”

Jeremy absently runs his hand over his head. “Uh, yeah,” he says. “Fresh start.”

Ryan hums in approval. “It’s not bad,” he offers.

“Thanks, buddy. Mind getting out of my room now?”

“Sure.” Ryan holds up the powder. “I’m keeping this.”

Jeremy sighs. “Whatever.”

He lies back down and stares at the ceiling and wonders how this became his life.

 

It’s truly embarrassing when Gavin finds out.

They’re out scoping out locations for a new safe house, ensuring that no rival crews are setting up any bases in the area of the new warehouse they’ve found. It’s a windy afternoon, but they’ve been holding up well enough. It’s warm, and Jeremy’s glad for the relief that the breeze brings.

Until.

The wind catches just right on the brim of his hat, and even though he scrambles to drop his binoculars, he can’t get to the hat quickly enough. It flies off with surprising quickness, and then Jeremy is left exposed on the rooftop. Bald. With Gavin.

“Well.” Gavin’s looking at his head with a very curious expression. The glasses make it hard to see what his eyes are doing, but his lips are twitching like he’s trying very hard not to laugh. “It’s a creative choice.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jeremy grumbles, and Gavin erupts into giggles.

 

Michael actually picks up on one of the hints.

Jeremy’s quite proud of that, really. It’s one of his Breaking Bad jokes, because he’s realized that with the facial hair and baldness and creative hat, he’s really just a young Heisenberg in the making. It’s him and Michael, sitting in one of the heist rooms, and they’re working out the finer details of a gunrunning job.

“Okay,” Michael says finally, slamming a fist on the table. “You gotta stop this.”

“Stop what?” Jeremy asks, because he’s an asshole and he wants to play coy with this.

Michael scoots his chair down the length of the table to where Jeremy is, and he plucks the hat off of Jeremy’s head without much ceremony.

And then he just sits there.

And then he laughs.

“Holy shit!” he cackles. “This is your best idea yet!” He snaps a picture on his phone - probably to send to Lindsay - and scoots off into the distance again, still laughing.

“Okay,” Jeremy says, “but can I have my hat back?”

 

He ends up just telling Geoff, because, well. It’s Geoff.

“Huh,” Geoff says, standing in the middle of the living room of the penthouse. He’s wearing a crooked tie and polka dot boxers, ironing his suit with reckless abandon. “That’s new.”

Jeremy frowns. “I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to iron suits like that.” Really, even he can’t even be bothered to talk about his head anymore.

Geoff shrugs. “Dry cleaners were closed. Couldn’t be bothered to find another one.”

Jeremy takes off his hat and rubs at his head. Already, the ghost of stubble is cropping up there. “Well, good talk, then?” he ventures.

“Yup,” Geoff replies amiably, shamelessly running the iron over one of the buttons on the cuff. “Just don’t shame the brand, kid.”

**Author's Note:**

> I saw Jeremy's new baldness and I just - I had to. I had to.
> 
> title taken from "the sound of silence". I wanted to do "hello darkness my old friend" for the title, but, like. it was too on the nose?


End file.
